How to Befriend Your Worst Enemy
by gkd2002
Summary: when the Pines twins move to the Mystery shack, the last thing they expected was a certain Dream Demon to come back from the "dead", much less want to befriend them.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** : Yeah, everything that happened happened. Weirdmageddon and all that. Nothing changed. Also, this is my first Fic, so yeah! Enjoy~

*Disclaimer: I own none of this.

Dipper's POV

"Ow!," The golden-haired man half-yelled, falling to the ground.

"Sorry about that, man," Dipper replied, extending a hand to the man he just ran into.

The man, of course, ignored his offer to help and walked off cursing things under his breath.

 _Wow.. that went well._

Dipper sighed and walked up to his sister, who had stopped dead in her tracks to stare at a zebra-striped pair of sunglasses.

"Dipper! Look at THESE!" Mabel practically screamed, turning to Dipper with the sunglasses on her face.

"They're, um, great, Mabel. You should get them."

Mabel huffed, clearly agitated at Dipper. She put them back down, and picked up a plain black one instead.

She put them on, and again asked, "How about these ones?"

Dipper could clearly sense the annoyance in her tone. He knew not to be so unenthusiastic this time, or he would definitely regret it.

"They're even better than the last ones, Mabel. You should really get them!"

Okay, he admitted, he made the ending a bit more fake than it should've been, but he didn't want to take his chances.

But instead of the happy Mabel Dipper expected, she seemed even more mad than she originally was.

"Dipper! You _know_ I hate black! Do you even pay attention when I talk to you?"

Dipper winced, cursing at how stupid he was. He should've _known_ she was testing him, she did this al-

Dipper's thoughts stopped dead in his tracks as he was tickled by his twin, who was punishing him for his ignorance.

"QUEEN MABEL'S WORST SENTENCE FOR ANY CRIME! DEEEAAATH! By tickling, of course," Mabel yelled, drawing a crowd and receiving the best eyeroll Dipper could muster.

Dipper tried escaping, but couldn't. He felt the eyes of strangers on him, and knew he had to get out of this.

"I-I'm s-s-sorry, Mabel," Dipper apologized between laughing spasms.

Mabel still didn't let up.

"You know to try better than that, Dipper. That's 3 disappointments in 2 minutes. No, make that four, because I'm disappointed in your face! Haha!"

Dipper wished he could reach out and sucker Mabel right in the chin, but found himself practically immobile due to the painful tickling from Mabel.

"Queen M-mabel, p-please forgive me for d-displeasing you," Dipper managed to spit out.

The next thing he knew, Mabel stopped the cruel punishment and offered a hand to Dipper, who accepted the offer.

"I would say I'm sorry, but.. I'm not!" Mabel gloated.

"You're only lucky I'm not going to punch you right now. Did you see the stares? We're 18 now, Mabel. Time to stop the childish acts all the time."

"You're just jealous, Dipper. Also, you're afraid of your reputation, which, by the way, is NONEXISTENT," Mabel retorted, walking down the corridor.

"Well, whatever. Can we just go back home now?" Dipper whined.

Mabel contemplated over this, and replied with "After you go buy me those zebra sunglasses."

Dipper glared, but accepted her request, because if he didn't, he knew they would never make it home.

XxXxXxXxX

The Pines twins sat at the table, eating their spaghetti with polite chit-chat about the day, but had yet to touch the subject they really had their minds on.

"So, Mabel. About tomorrow… do you really think this was the best idea?"

Mabel sighed, replying with "I don't know, Dipper. I feel like it was a great idea at the time, but now…"

Dipper knew the feeling. He definitely didn't want to end up like Gruncle Stan, flabby and drunk all the time, stuck in the same place…

"It's fine, Mabel. We saw stan run the place all the time. We'll be fine. I mean… there's two of us, right? So we can take more breaks. And it's not like it's permanent. We're just trying this out, so we don't have to be here forever."

The both of them had accepted to take over the Mystery Shack for Stan when he announced his retirement. At first it seemed like a great idea, but now the twins felt more nostalgic and hesitant about moving over 500 miles and leaving everything they had behind.

"You're probably right, Dipper. And if things go wrong, you're here, so I'm not that worried. You're pretty smart. Most of the time."

"Gee, Mabel, you sure keep your thoughts to yourself."

"Can't help it, Dipper. I'm still mad at you."

"Okay, okay. I guess I deserve it. I'll clean up our plates."

Dipper got up and grabbed his and Mabel's plates. As he was walking over to the sink,

his twin stopped him from behind with a hug.

T-thanks for coming here with me, Dipper. I don't know… what I would've done without you here. I've never been alone before…"

Dipper set down the plates on the counter and returned the hug.

"It's okay, Mabel. You know, I didn't know what I would do without you, either. I mean, what would I do when a psychopath threatened to end the world without you?"

Mabel chuckled. "Crash and burn, probably. Thanks, Dipper. I'm heading off to bed. Need anything?"

Dipper thought about it, and and shook his head.

"Nope. I'm good. See you tomorrow, sis."

"Night, Dip."

With that, Dipper turned back to do the dishes. As he was walking over, he stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed the color peeling off the wall.

 _Oh no. no, no, no, no, no. Not this. How is this even possible…? Wait, Mabel!_

Dipper dropped the plates and sprinted over to Mabel, who had fallen to her knees in front of the entrance to her room.

"Mabel! Are you okay?" Dipper yelled.

He grabbed mabel by the shoulders and pulled her to her feet.

 _I swear, if Mabel's hurt, I'm going to-_

"You'll what, Pine Tree? Hurt me? Haha! Love to see you try."

Dipper turned around, his face contorted into one of fear and disgust.

He saw what his brain couldn't believe.

Bill, floating in the air, right in front of him.

"Hey, kid! Miss me?"

 _This should be fun._

 **A/N** : so? Was it as bad as you expected? Haha I'm funny. But yeah, I'll try uploading twice a month, hopefully more. But you know, I have a life and all. (Who am I even kidding there honestly). Thanks for reading anyway!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N** : Yeah, okay. I actually tried on this one. Also, thanks to my readers. You mean a lot to me, so thanks!

-Dipper's POV-

 _Why… Bill… isn't he dead?! What the_ hell?

"Good question, Pine Tree. Why am I not dead? Well, I was never dead to begin with, actually. Haha! Looks like your plan ultimately failed. But I didn't come here to gloat.

Dipper looked over at his sister, who looked like she was about to faint.

"Mabel," Dipper whispered. "Mabel, are you okay?'

He was answered with a short nod.

"Bill, I don't care why you're here," Dipper yelled at Bill. "Get out. We don't want you here."

"Does it look like I care, Pine Tree? You expelled me from this universe for 6 years, I think I have a reason to be upset."

Dipper fumed. " _You_ have a reason to be upset?! Are you _kidding me?_ You tried to kill everyone and take over the world. I don't think you have much of a reason to be upset here."

Bill sighed. "Look, kid. Nothing's gonna get done with us at each other's necks here. I came here to talk, not argue about why I'm right. Oh, that makes you mad? Sorry, I forgot how fragile your feelings were, kid."

Dipper was so mad and confused and just _shocked._ How was Bill even here? What did he want? How was he alive the whole time? What about that statue in the forest? Dipper just couldn't wrap his head around it.

Mabel, who seemed to be reading Dipper's mind, asked, "Bill, how are you even here?"

"It doesn't matter, Star. I didn't come here to explain why you guys suck at saving the world," Bill responded, adding, "And why are you so scared? You've seen me before, right? What's so different now?"

Dipper was about ready to strangle the guy. "Bill, were not doing anything for you if you don't answer why you're here. Do what you like, we're not even considering anything you say if you don't answer us." Dipper crossed his arms, and stared at Bill waiting for a response.

"Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Okay. So you guys erased my memory of Ford, right? So I forgot everything about this quiet town and my plan about Weirdmageddon and the portal and everything. But it's not like that _killed_ me. Do you guys die when you forget things? I didn't think so. Anyway, so there I was, back in my home dimension, no reason for life anymore. And I didn't think anything was wrong, either. And it would've stayed that way too, if it wasn't for the fact that I am an all-powerful being trillions of years old, so I obviously began to get bored again. I thought about going somewhere else, a new dimension, and then it hit me. I had already done that. The portal, I remembered it. I kept scratching at that memory until I remembered everything. From Ford, to Gravity Falls, to the portal, to weirdmageddon. But that took _6 years._ I spent _6 years_ trying to remember my reason for life. And then there's now. Okay, so there ya go. Happy now, kids?"

Dipper was in shock. And based on Mabel's expression, she was too. Bill _didn't_ die? They almost sacrificed Grunkle Stan for _nothing?!_ He just couldn't believe it.

But none of that explained why Bill was here.

"So I bet you're wondering why I'm here. And you would be right to wonder so," Bill exclaimed, twirling his cane. "You see, I need a favor to ask of you two."

 _Oh. My. God. This guy is so_ dense!

Dipper just sighed. "Bill, you tried killing us, twice, and you used me as a puppet. Why would we have any reason to help you? And _don't_ say you're going to offer us a deal, because you and I both know we're not that _stupid_. You don't keep your word about anything."

If Bill had a mouth, Dipper was sure he would be smirking up and down the room right now.

"You're right, Pine Tree! There's no reason for you to trust me. And that's exactly why I'm here! You see, I need a body."

At that, Dipper's jaw dropped.

 _He has_ got _to be kidding me._

At Bill's comment, Mabel stood up and walked over to Bill, finger pointed at him.

"You really want to ask _that,_ after what you did to Dipper?! You obviously forgot more than you realize if you think we would ever help you get a body."

"Listen to me, Star," Bill protested. "You didn't give me a chance to explain. It's not like that."

"Then what is it like, Bill?" Mabel retorted.

"I don't need another human's body. I need something of my own. I mean, someone else's body is just too much work. Besides, I'm not looking to stay this way much longer. It's so _boring._ There's a way you can get me a body, without hurting anybody. Okay? It doesn't even involve Mr. Scarred for Life over there, so it's all cool.

Dipper stood next to Mabel, still not even considering his request.

Dipper then crossed his arms. "So. You don't need the body of a human. That's cool and all, but you could still hurt people, Bill. And you're _bored?_ That doesn't make much sense. Why is that a valid reason to become a _human,_ the exact being you constantly humiliate and tease?"

"Listen, Pine Tree. When you get to be as old as me, nothing is fun anymore. I've been everywhere, I've done everything, I've grown bored of myself. I want something new. I realized I didn't want to end this universe anymore because I've done it to countless others before. Trying to regain my memory, I realized how simply _boring_ destruction was. It's just, bam, dust and ash. Sure, the fear you put into the innocent beings of the planet is cool, but it's over pretty soon. That's why I'm so bored. And since I've never tried humanity before, I figured it'd be fun to try."

"So why did you come and ask _us?"_ Dipper asked. "Why not just ask someone else?"

"You guys are that thick? The only 3 people on this planet who know enough to make me human are you two, and Sixer, who I don't feel like looking at in another trillion years. Does that answer your question, Pine Tree?"

Dipper was getting sick of that nickname.

"Stop calling me that, Bill. It's annoying."

"Oh, you mean Pine Tree? Too bad, Pine Tree. I do what I want."

Dipper smirked. "You _don't_ get to do what you want if you still want that body, Cipher."

"Aww, come on, Kid! You're ruining my fun… Okay, whatever, I guess. So what are you thinking?"

Mabel decided to jump into the negotiation. "I'd say there's no reason we can trust you. If you want a deal, you're going to have to _keep_ your end of the deal. I say you need to…" she tapped her chin, coming up with ideas. "Well, obviously, promise you won't hurt us or anyone else. Also, you can't cause the end of the world, no matter what you said about how boring it is. And, I assume you're going to need somewhere to stay, so you can use my old bed in the attic. But you're going to need to work at the Mystery Shack with us. For free, too. And I want 50 pounds of glitter gummy worms. Anything else, Dipper?"

Dipper was shocked. He didn't think they were actually _going through_ with this.

He whispered to Mabel, "Are you crazy? This guy tried _killing_ us! We can't let him live with us!"

Mabel waved him off. "It's fine. If we make him promise he won't hurt anyone or take over the world, it should be fine. Besides, if he's human, he doesn't have any powers. And who knows! Maybe he's changed. He could even be fun. And Dipper, we really need the employees, with Soos away with Melody and all..."

Dipper turned to Bill. "First, I have a few questions. Can you go back to your old form if you're human? Second, can you use your current powers as a human? Or are you just like us?"

Bill responded with "No, no, and yes."

Dipper came up with his own conditions. "Okay. We'll do it, if you comply to Mabel's conditions, and if you promise to stop calling me Pine Tree."

"You got yourselves a deal, kiddos!"

Bill extended his hand, blue with fire. He first extended it out to Mabel, who shook it right away. He then extended it to Dipper, who stared at it hesitantly for a moment. He then came up with one more question.

"Listen, Bill. I've only got one more question for you. You didn't lie to us about all of the stuff you just said, right? You really can't use your powers as a human?"

"Nope. All part of the package. I guess it's a pretty big price to pay, but it's something new, which I am _so_ looking forward to… Something _new…_ " He trailed off, and extended his hand back out to Dipper.

Hesitantly, Dipper shook it, half expecting his soul to be ripped right out of his body. When it wasn't, Dipper sighed with relief.

"Okay, Bill," Mabel started. "What do we need to do to get you this body?"

"It's simple, really. I need to go out and find someone I want to look like. You guys need pluck out one of his hairs, and do a ritual. I can only change 5 aspects about the guy to what I want to look like, so it's got to be a good looking person."

"Okay, I guess that's not too bad," Mabel responded. "But it's too late to do that now. We can go searching tomorrow. Bill, can you come back around 9:30 tomorrow?"

"Sure thing, Star. See ya then."

With a snap of his fingers, Bill was gone and color was restored to the world.

Dipper was shocked. In about 15 minutes, he had just made a deal with _Bill Cipher._ To give him his own body, nonetheless. This was a strange turn of events.

"Well, that was interesting," Mabel stated. She got up and Dipper followed her.

"I'll say," Dipper replied, rubbing his temples.

"Um, I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then?" Mabel asked.

Dipper weakly smiled and nodded. "Yep. I guess so."

Mabel suddenly laughed, catching Dipper off guard.

"You know what I realized, Dipper? Tomorrow's our first day of work and we have to close up shop!"

"Yeah, that is pretty ironic. We'll just have to work Bill until he drops, then."

Mabel nodded, and hugged Dipper before going to bed.

Dipper sighed and headed up the stairs. He brushed his teeth, flossed, used mouthwash, and climbed into bed.

 _Wow, today was just so… bizarre. That was so much information… this is going to be a weird transition..._

Dipper was thinking about the day's events, and started drifting off to sleep, when he suddenly remembered something.

Mabel said Bill could use her old bed in the attic.

 _Dipper_ slept in the attic.

Dipper couldn't even enjoy his only sleep alone in his room.

xXxXxXxXx

The next day, Dipper woke up and checked the time.

 _Only 3:23? Oh, it's going to be a loooong day._

Dipper sighed and trudged down the stairs as quietly as humanly possible. He got downstairs and turned on the TV, hoping the show quality had improved around here.

When he heard the Ducktective theme song come on, his answer was no, but he assumed this was better than nothing.

-Mabel's POV-

When Mabel woke up, she rubbed her eyes and walked into the living room. She noticed Dipper watching what appeared to be Ducktective.

"Hey, Dip, you know the ti-"

"SHHH, Mabel. I'm trying to figure out who stole Ducktective's badge."

"Well that's easy! It was Mr. Wells from the bank. He needed the money. Ironic isn't it? You would think someone who worked at a bank would have enough money to get by."

Dipper only glared at her in return.

"Oh yeah… Sorry, bro. Forgot you were, you know… watching that... "

Dipper sighed and turned off the TV.

Mabel walked into the kitchen and checked the time. It was 8:24. Not too bad.

"Hey Dipper, how long you been up?"

"Um, maybe about 5 hours? I don't knowl. I didn't sleep very well last night."

Mabel walked back over to where Dipper was sitting and plopped down next to him.

"It's all going to be okay, Dipper. I know it's a bit weird, and definitely pretty hard-"

Dipper interrupted her in a fit of fury. " _Hard?_ Are you _kidding me,_ Mabel?! You never had to see Bill inside your own body as he walked around in it as if it were his. You didn't have nightmares for weeks, and you didn't-"

"Right, right. Poor Dipper had to be taken out of his body, but I was locked inside of a prison-"

"A prison of paradise!" dipper yelled back. "Listen, Mabel. I'm sorry for freaking out. I just… I'm just nervous. This is so _new…_ even for us. I just hope he wasn't lying to us…"

Mabel hugged her brother, feeling the exact same.

"I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

-Dipper's POV-

An hour later, the color faded from the world, letting the twins know Bill was ready to go.

"Hiya, kids! How's life? Actually, I don't much care. Let's go!"

Dipper internally groaned. It was early morning, and it was going to be like this for the next month, at least.

"Yep!" Mabel exclaimed.

"I want to be back here by noon, so yes, we should be leaving. We're going to the mall, since it has the most people and it's a weekend." _And the weekend's the best time for profit…_

"Bill, can you meet us at the front entrance of the mall?" Mabel asked.

"Sure thing, Star. Meet you there."

With that, the gray faded and the world was brought back to life.

XxXxXxXxX

A few minutes later, Dipper and Mabel found themselves in front of the Gravity Falls Mall, waiting for Bill to show up.

Before they knew it, everything was gray again.

"So, kids, got any ideas?"

"Yeah, Bill. There's this guy I know, you would _so_ look good in his body," Dipper commented.

" I sense some sarcasm in that tone, Pin- _Dipper,"_ Bill replied.

"Yeah, I was just kidding. You wouldn't look good wearing anyone's skin, not even your own."

"Okayyy," Mabel said. "Let's get this party STARTED!"

The trio spent the next half hour walking around the store, looking for someone Bill could agree with. Everyone else was frozen, too, so it wasn't hard to get a good look at their faces.

After the half hour, Dipper couldn't stand Bill's voice anymore. He just _wouldn't. Stop. Complaining._

"BILL. JUST PICK SOMEONE ALREADY. You've been complaining at about how ugly humanity is for the last half hour. This is _annoying._ Just _hurry up."_

Bill mocked an offended sound. "How dare you accuse me of such things! I would nev-"

Bill stopped talking all of a sudden, and floated over to a blonde man near a music store.

"Yeah, him. It's definitely him," Bill said.

"This guy?" dipper protested. "He's a jerk. I ran into him, offered him help, and... well, I guess it's not so bad since you're a jerk too… Whatever, I'm not arguing."

"Well," Bill said. "I'm going to wake you guys back up. Pick a piece of his hair somehow, and meet me back at the Shack when you're done. Kay? Bye!"

Bill snapped, and the twins were once again back to reality.

"Okay Mabel. Let's go get his hair, or whatever."

"You got it, bro!"

Dipper walked over to the man, and whispered something to Mabel. She nodded, and Dipper pretended to walk into the music store. He heard some terrible flirting coming from mabel's mouth, and he sneaked over to where the man was standing. He grabbed a hair and yanked, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"OW!"

Dipper ran for it. He wasn't about to be pummeled, or have the cops called on him.

By the time he reached the car, Mabel was already there, waiting for him.

"How'd you get here so fast, Mabel?" Dipper questioned.

"I got mad skills, bro. Now get in the car."

Dipper did what he was told and the two of them were off for the Mystery Shack.

xXxXxXxXx

When the twins arrived at the shack, they walked into the kitchen.

 _I wonder why Bill chose that guy. He didn't even look that good anyway._

Mabel paced the room, looking excited. Dipper didn't know why, this didn't seem like the kind of event to get excited about.

The next thing he knew, he saw Bill in front of him.

"Hey kids! That was fun. Especially the part where he screamed like a girl! Haha."

Dipper rolled his eyes. He just wanted this day to end.

"Okay, Bill. We have the hair. What do you want us to do now?"

"Well, first there's the 5 things I want to change. First, his nose. God, it was ugly. Second, I want those dots you humans have on your noses and cheeks. They're so weird. Third, I want… actually, you know what? I think the rest of him was fine. I'll be right back, kids."

Bill snapped his fingers, gone for a split second and back again.

"Okay," Bill said as he dropped a pile of clothes onto the table. "I want to wear these when I'm human."

Dipper looked down at the clothes, wondering what he had chosen.

A yellow sweater with one eye on it. How cliche. Some jeans, and what looked like some boots. Also, a fake pair of glasses…?

"Bill, what are these?" Dipper asked, holding up the glasses.

"Oh, those! I want to know what it's like to have glasses on, so I got some fake ones."

Mabel then squealed.

"Oh my _God,_ Bill! You got such a _cute_ sweater!" She was holding up the yellow sweater like she was wearing it.

Dipper rolled his eyes.

"I agree with you on that one, Star. I think it will look perfect on me."

Dipper sighed. "Guys, can we just start doing this?"

"Sure thing, Pine Tree."

Dipper shot him a glare.

"Oh right, I forgot. Short Stack over there gets hurt easily. And Star, here's your gummy worms."

Bill snapped his fingers, and a _huge_ bag of gummy worms fell on the table.

"AHHHH! Thanks, Bill!" Mabel yelled, shoving a handful of gummy works into her mouth.

"Okay," Dipper said, rolling his eyes. "Let's just get this thing going."

The three of them walked into the living room, where they would perform the ritual.

"Okay kids," Bill began to explain. "I'm going to give you guys what to draw out and the stuff you need to read. I'll be naked, so you're going to have to hand me the clothes I need to wear. Also, I probably won't be able to stand, so there's that too. Okay, here you go."

Bill twirled his cane and two pieces of paper appeared in Dipper's hands.

"Just copy down that exact drawing onto the floor, and say those exact words," Bill explained. "If you mess up, well… let's just say it's not going to be pretty."

The twins set off to work, Dipper working on one half of the circle and Mabel on the other. When the both of them were finished, Dipper checked both sides to make sure they were both correct.

"Everything seems to be right, Bill. So now what?"

"Well, now you just set the hair in the middle of the circle. I go in the circle too, and then you recite the words. Just _don't mess up._

Bill's intensity sent a shiver up Dipper's spine.

"I'll go get the hair," Dipper called as he was walking into the kitchen.

When Dipper returned, he saw his sister whispering something over to Bill and giggling.

 _When did she become good friends with Bill…?_

"What's so funny, guys?" Dipper asked.

"N-nothing," Mabel replied, her face red from holding back her laughter.

"The Lammy Dance!" Bill blurted out, practically falling over from laughing so hard.

 _What the hell, Mabel?!_

Dipper felt his face flush deep red and tried not to look either of them in the eye.

"Yeah, it was pretty funny. Now can we get back to the ritual, please?" Dipper desperately tried changing the subject.

Mabel rolled her eyes, but got up and stood next to Dipper.

Dipper dropped the piece of hair into the circle with Bill, and began to chant.

"Wen ydob esaelp wen eson y selkcerf esaelp!" Dipper chanted.

A sudden burst of light happened, and there was nothing there.

Mabel had gone into the kitchen to get Bill's new clothes, and when she came back in Bill was on the ground in the middle of the circle, a human.

 _Never thought I'd see this in a million years._

Dipper grabbed the clothes from Mabel and told her to wait in the other room for a few minutes, so she didn't see anything.

Dipper walked over to where Bill was lying and helped him to his feet. He was barely conscious, and most of his weight was leaning onto Dipper.

Slowly but surely, Dipper got Bill into all of his clothes.

When he was done, he set Bill onto the couch and stood back for a moment, staring at Bill.

He was starting to wake up more, and his eyes looked huge. His freckles were spotted all over his face, and his hair was so soft Dipper assumed it felt like a pillow.

His clothes really brought out the best in him, though. They made him seem so _cute-_

Dipper froze.

Did he _really just say_ he thought Bill Cipher was… _cute?_

It was only day one, and Dipper could tell this wasn't going to go as planned.

 **A/N** : Long chapter! Yeah! Thanks to all of you guys who took the time to read my story. That's pretty cool! You guys are the reason I'm even breathing honestly. Well, catch you on the flipside. Jk that joke's too old.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: this is actually pretty fun to write. And thanks for the reviews and stuff! As you can see, I am a little bit of a procrastinator… heh sorry. Enjoy!**

-Bill's POV-

The first thing Bill felt as a human was the pull of gravity.

Bill felt someone bringing him up to his feet. He was barely conscious, unaware of what was going on around him.

The next thing he knew, he was sitting on what he assumed to be a couch. He looked up with his new two eyes, and noticed Dipper was staring at him from across the room.

"H-hey, Pine Tree. Why are you staring? See something you like?" Bill attempted to laugh, but it came out as more of a cough than anything else.

Dipper looked away, face red. "I-uh, no. It's just weird, seeing you as a human and all…" Dipper muttered, still avoiding eye contact.

"Well, I'm okay with that. Two eyes… I forgot how weird this was!" Bill tried to blink, but it ended up looking like he winked twice, with both eyes.

He attempted to stand, and fell right back down to the ground.

"Ha! Wow. That was weird! This gravity thing is really throwing me off. How do you guys deal with it?"

It was then that Mabel came in, eyes fixed on Bill's new body. Her eyes got huge, and she gave Bill a hug.

"Bill! You look really cute! I love your face! Wow, never thought I'd say that in a million years…"

Bill was taken by surprise at Mabel's new friendly attitude.

"Thanks, Star! But I already knew that. No need to remind me." Bill tried to stand again, and found himself unsuccessful for the second time.

Mabel started laughing. "Oh, you must not be used to your body yet. Here, let me help you up."

Mabel offered Bill a hand, and he accepted. She pulled him up to his feet, half of his body weight leaning on her.

"Gee, I feel pretty weak right now. Hey, Star, let me go, okay? I gotta get used to this."

Mabel slowly let him go, her face full of worry.

Bill stayed on his feet this time, but just barely. He looked over to Dipper, who was watching him with interest. He then tried taking a step, and found himself almost falling over. But this time, it was Dipper who came over to help instead of Mabel.

"Bill, you need to be more careful. I don't want you to get hurt or anything," Dipper warned, holding Bill by his shoulders.

"Oh, are you worried about me, Pine Tree? I didn't know you cared," Bill smirked.

"Okay, fine then, Cipher. I'll just let you sit on the ground for the whole day then." With that, Dipper let go of Bill and he fell to the ground with a soft whine.

"Jeez, Pine Tree. I was just kidding. Learn to take a joke, will you?" Bill said. He wondered what his face looked like.

"Heya Star, will you bring me a mirror? I need to see how fantastic I look," Bill called, and was responded with a smile and nod.

Mabel left, leaving Dipper and Bill in the living room.

"So, um, Bill. Why did you decide to wear a sweater? It doesn't really seem like you… Especially the skinny jeans. N-not that it's a bad thing, though..."

Bill looked down at his outfit, pulling his sleeves up. "Well, you see Pine Tree, I did some research on clothes and human stuff before I decided to become human. Everyone said sweaters were comfortable, and that jeans were too. I originally wanted a suit, but I didn't want to be too uncomfortable. So yeah. And I must say, this sweater is definitely cozy."

Mabel then came back with a mirror in hand. She gave it to Bill, who looked in it right away.

"WHAT?! What is _this?!_ This isn't the body I wanted! _What?"_ Bill continued to complain about his appearance, never taking his eyes off his reflection.

"What do you mean, Bill? There's nothing wrong with it," Dipper argued. "You chose that body. The only thing that's different about it now is the nose and the freckles."

"No, Pine Tree! This one looks different! I don't like it. You must've messed up the incantation, because trust me, it looks _way different."_ Bill sighed. _Dumb human. Of course he doesn't understand. He's never had to pick out a face before._

"Well, maybe it's because you have two eyes now, and some of your face looks different," Dipper stated.

Bill stopped complaining, thinking about his idea. It made some sense, but even if it was true, it still made him mad.

"Even if that's true, it's not what I want. This body is too… weak, and this face looks too approachable. I don't want to deal with you disgusting creatures at all if I can help it." Bill threw the mirror across the room.

"Bill! That wasn't yours! You can't do whatever you want around here," Mabel told the blonde. "You're going to pick that up."

"Oh yeah? I'm not going to pick that up at all. You're just going to have to get it, Star. And I can do whatever I want. I don't need to listen to some dumb humans like you." Bill then crossed his arms, waiting for someone to protest.

It was Dipper who retorted. "Bill, you can't call humans dumb if you are one. Also, you're going to get that mirror. And you can't do what you want if we're stronger than you in every way, because you've got no more powers, remember?" Dipper didn't even try to hide the smirk on his face.

 _Oh yeah… I can't use my powers… looks like I'll just have to deal with it for now._ "Will you shut your face, Pine Tree? I know my powers are gone. And the both of you may be physically stronger than me, but don't forget who is smartest here!"

Dipper scoffed. "Who's _smarter_? You know _nothing_ about how to blend in with society. You're a human now, so knowledge about the universe isn't going to earn you anything."

Bill scoffed. "You're the one who knows nothing about blending in with society, Pine Tree. You scare people off with that face of yours. And all that crazy supernatural stuff you talk about. You probably have no experience with friendship, Dipper. At least I had friends back home."

Dipper glared at Bill. "Go get that mirror, now. Or we're not giving you dinner."

Bill sighed, knowing he would need sustenance later. He got up, and began to step forward. _It's okay, you can do this. Just put one foot out…_

Bill took his first step as a human.

"Yeah! Look at that! I'm learning." He continued to step out and walk forward, until he reached the side of the room where the mirror was. He picked it up and brought it over to Mabel.

"Thanks, Bill," Mabel said. "Now just say you're sorry…"

Bill replied with "I'm sorry for your face" and a laugh.

"Haha, Bill. Very funny. Dipper, will you show Bill his room?" With that, Mabel walked out of the room.

-Dipper's POV-

Dipper sighed. _Why do_ I _have to show Bill his room? Is it because we'll be sharing one…? I don't want to talk to him…_

"Okay, Bill. We're going to be sharing the attic together. You get Mabel's bed, and I get to keep mine. Follow me." Dipper began to walk towards the staircase, and sighed when he saw that Bill was still struggling to walk. "Can't you go any faster, Bill? I'm going to die before we get upstairs at this rate."

Bill stopped walking, and huffed. "I'm sorrrrry, Pine Tree. This whole 'walking' thing is new to me, so take it easy, alright?" He continued to walk forward until he was right next to Dipper. "Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this!"

"Um, Bill, can I ask you a question?" Dipper asked.

"Uh, sure, I guess," Bill replied.

"Why is it so hard for you to walk now if you could do it perfectly before?"

"That's easy. You see, possessing a body… is easier, I guess. The body is already used to things like gravity and walking, so you don't have to learn how to deal with it yourself. But now that I have my own body _,_ I have to relearn things. Actually, more like learn, not re-learn, because I never knew how to walk as a human in the first place…" He trailed off, leaving an uncomfortable silence between the two.

Dipper "hmm'd" and started to walk up the stairs, Bill following right behind him. When they reached upstairs, Dipper opened the door and the curious blonde followed him in. The sight of the room wasn't any different than it had been last night, or than any of the summers he had been here. The only difference was that there was no more mabel to sleep in her bed.

The second they walked in, Bill flopped onto his new bed. "Wow, this is much more soft than I imagined."

"Yeah, but just don't get too comfortable. There's still stuff I need to teach you about, Bill." Dipper turned around to see Bill asleep. _Great._ Dipper noticed how much more bearable he was when asleep. Again, Dipper was filled with the feeling that Bill somehow looked cute sleeping like that.

He turned and left the room as fast as he could after that.

xXxXxXxXx

When it was time for Dinner, Mabel told Dipper to go wake up Bill.

"Mabel, I don't want to go get him," Dipper protested. "What if he's cranky? What if he takes forever coming down here? What if I have to _carry_ him down? I don't want to go talk to him. Can't you?"

Mabel sighed and shook her head. "Jeez, Dipper, relax. I'm sure he's fine. You just need to go tell him it's time for supper. And don't scare him!"

Dipper groaned. Why was it always him who had to do the hard work? Why couldn't Mabel just go get him? She was better at dealing with people, and she knew it. Was this another one of her crazy antics to get Dipper to make more friends? He hoped not.

Dipper reached the doorway to his and Bill's new room. He sighed. _Here goes nothing, I guess._ Dipper opened the door to see Bill with a pen sticking out of his arm and a wild grin on his face.

"Heya Pine Tree! I always knew pain was funny, but it's even better when you have your own body to feel it! And get this, you can't control the crying! It's so weird. How do you stand it? It's so disgustingly _annoying!_ "

Dipper was livid. They spent the time and effort into helping Bill get his own body, and this is how he uses it?! By _destroying_ it? "Yeah, Bill. It's terrible. But you know what's worse, is that you're wasting the perfectly fine body we got you for _fun._ You're acting like a child. Take that pen out right now and come downstairs for dinner." Dipper crossed his arms, hoping Bill wouldn't protest.

Bill sighed and pulled the pen out of his arm without whining, and Dipper was mildly impressed. But then, just as Bill was stepping forward, he stopped. "Almost forgot!" He then bent down and pulled a pencil out of his ankle. "Okay, now we can go!" He then skipped past Dipper and down the stairs.

 _He's insane. I can't live with this…_ Dipper sighed and followed his new roommate down the creaky stairs.

-Mabel's POV-

Mabel had just put the last plate of food down when she saw a happy-looking blonde skip into the kitchen. She smiled. "Hi, Bill! How was your nap?"

"It was great, Star! I learned that you have an uncontrollable urge to cry when you get hurt."

It was then that Mabel noticed the half-inch hole in Bill's forearm.

"Bill, what were you _doing?_ Did you do that on purpose? Don't lie to me, either." Mabel put her hands on her hips, waiting for an answer.

Bill made a face that Mabel couldn't recognize. _Woah, that's weird. He almost seems… upset. Did something happen?_ Mabel went from upset to worry as she walked over to Bill and put her arms on his shoulders. "Are you okay, Bill? Did something happen to you? You look like you're about to cry."

Bill gave a weak chuckle. "I"m fine. Don't worry about me. I'm an ancient being trillions of years old. I don't cry. So let go." He then backed up a half step, right into Dipper. "Watch it, Bill," Dipper said, brushing past him. "You need to watch whe- Hey, are you okay?"

Bill sighed, clearly agitated. "I'm FINE. Can we eat now?" He then sat down, and poked his food. "What is this? It looks like… I don't even know. Weird human food."

Mabel laughed. Dipper rolled his eyes. "It's a taco, Bill," Mabel explained. "It's originally from Mexico. They're delicious. Try it!"

Bill sat there, staring at his food, and then turned the taco upside down, spilling all the food inside of the shell. Mabel and Dipper both laughed.

But Bill, in return, huffed. "Shut up. And stop looking at me."

Mabel and Dipper shared a look. _As if,_ Dipper's face read. _Let's do it,_ Mabel gave in return.

Dipper then smirked. "Okay, Bill. If you insist." With that, he and Mabel both stood up and left the room, leaving Bill alone in the kitchen. When they left the room, Mabel laughed. "I'll give him about 3 minutes," Mabel whispered. Dipper laughed and nodded in agreement.

Exactly 45 seconds later, the twins heard a thump and lots of complaining. Mabel walked over to the kitchen and peeked around the corner to find Bill's head on the table. "I guess we were a bit off," Mabel whispered to Dipper, walking into the kitchen.

Mabel walked over to the opposite side of where Bill sat, her usual spot at the table. Dipper followed, sitting in his spot at the left end of the table.

"Bill, what happened? We heard a loud noise. What's wrong?" Mabel asked, raising an eyebrow and hiding a smirk. She knew this was going to be funny.

"N-nothing's wrong, Star. I'm fine. Just tired," Bill returned, clearly not in a mood to talk. Neither of the twins decided to stop talking, though.

"You just took a nap," Dipper noted. "Plus, you need to eat _something._ You haven't had a proper meal in… forever, I guess. So hurry up."

Mabel and Dipper were both watching Bill as he slowly picked his head up off the table. "Yeah. But I'm just not hungry," he responded, avoiding eye contact with either of the twins.

"Well, you still need to eat something, you haven't eaten yet at all yet," Mabel replied. "Besides, I doubt you even know what being hungry feels like." She looked expectantly at Bill, and so did Dipper.

Bill looked down, his cheeks turning red. There was clearly something wrong. He again picked up his shell, and all the contents fell out again, so he dropped the shell down and picked up a piece of lettuce. But instead of eating it, he just sat there, holding the lettuce.

After about 10 seconds of that, Mabel burst out laughing and Dipper followed. _Wow, he doesn't know how to eat! This is great!_

But the twins laughing clearly made Bill's mood worse, because he slammed his hands on the table, got up and left. Both Mabel and Dipper's laughing stopped.

"Hey, Bill, we were just kidding," Mabel called, getting up and going after him. "It was only a joke. We're sorry, okay?"

Bill stopped in his tracks, his face to the floor. He turned around, and Mabel winced. His face was absolutely blank. "I'm not upset, Star. Do I _look_ upset? Stop worrying about me. I don't know how many times in the last half hour you've asked me if I'm alright. Just _leave me alone,_ Star." Bill then turned around and went up to his room.

Dipper whistled. "That's gotta hurt. He really needs to work on his people skills."

Mabel scoffed. "You're such a hypocrite. You're 18, and you can barely manage to walk outside. It's his first day here, cut him some slack. He'll get better, I know it."

Dipper rolled his eyes and walked out of the room. Mabel sighed. She just hoped she was right, because if she wasn't, she knew things would go wrong.

 **A/N: Um so yeah! Next chapter might have the beginnings of some ships but who really knows? Definitely not me. It sucks because my school computer I can't update chapters from and my at home laptop is trash so that's kind of an issue. So just keep that in mind haha. Anyway I'd love to hear some ideas on what's good and what I can improve one! I'd really appreciate it. (also thanks for reading this i bet no one did)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So should I give more reason for my major procrastination? Probably not none of you want to know my problems. But hey! 7 months isn't bad… ha it won't happen again. Anyway please let me know what you guys think!**

-Dipper's POV-

If it was one thing Dipper knew, it was that Bill would probably never like tacos now.

Not that that was really important. He kind of felt bad after dinner, and decided he would give Bill time to fall asleep before going to bed, so he sat down on the couch he and Mabel took in from their childhood home.

Dipper decided he would read more up on the engine of airplanes, in case, you know, he became a pilot someday. (Dipper knew he didn't need any of what he was reading, but he never minded knowing useless junk.)

But instead of the calming, relaxing read he was expecting, his mind decided otherwise by giving him the same thought over and over again:

 _His dimples are so cute!_

Honestly, it was pretty embarrassing, even if Bill didn't have the powers to read his mind anymore. This was the last thing he was expecting when Bill had asked to become human. And if Mabel found out? He would never hear the end of it.

Dipper couldn't lie, though. Bill's dimples _did_ look cute. And his smile, and how cute it was that he didn't know anything yet, even his hair. And not to mention the way his bangs hung in his eyes, and even the way his cheeks turn pink when he's embarrassed-

"Hey Dipper, stop daydreaming and help me clean up dinner," Mabel called from the kitchen, interrupting Dipper's thoughts.

"Coming," Dipper called back, grateful for something to do. He didn't want to keep sitting on the couch with the same thoughts running through his head.

"I'll rinse, you load," Mabel told him as he walked into the kitchen.

Dipper walked over to the dishwasher, and then both of them soon fell into a rhythm of rise, load, rise load, and so on.

Dipper found it surprisingly comforting, it was like when the both of them were kids, doing the chores around the Shack for Stan. Of course, it felt different now, they had grown up.

There weren't many dishes since they just moved in, though, and they were done in about 5 minutes.

Dipper loaded in the last fork, closed the dishwasher, and pressed start. He checked the time on the clock. It was 8:21. Bill had only been upstairs for 15 minutes now. There was no way he was asleep yet.

Mabel, who seemed to read Dipper's mind, knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong, Bro?"

Dipper sighed, knowing Mabel already knew, but he decided to tell her anyway.

"It's nice that we're here and all, but… it's a little different than what we were expecting. I get we're just trying to be nice, but still… and I'm nervous for the opening of the Shack again. There's just so much stuff to do, so much that can go wrong… and the fact that Bill just came in just set back everything by at least a day. There's just a lot to worry about."

Mabel wiped her hands on a towel and sat down. "You're stressing out too much, Dipper. We'll be fine. If worse comes to worst, we'll have to delay opening day and miss a weekend of tourists. We'll get straight to work tomorrow, okay? Now why don't you go to bed early so you're not so tired tomorrow."

Mabel had a point. Dipper was stressing too much over too little. And he was tired. But Bill probably wasn't asleep yet…

"...Dipper, why are you still standing there?"

"I, um, need a glass of water first." He began moving towards the sink, but Mabel put her arm out and stopped him.

"If you're thirsty, get a drink upstairs. Unless you're scared to go up there…?" Mabel raised an eyebrow at Dipper.

"Why would I be scared?" Dipper replied, knowing the answer.

Mabel just kept staring.

"...Okay, you got me. But don't make fun of me! I've never really shared a room with anyone before. Especially not someone who tried to kill me multiple times. And what if he's weird about it or something?"

Mabel rolled her eyes but smiled. "Do you really think he knows what's weird or not? He's never been human before. And he's probably asleep, since it was his first day here and all. Also, you're a grown man. You'll be fine. Now go." Mabel pointed to the stairs, waiting for Dipper to go.

Dipper turned around and started to walk to the stairs. _This is_ not _fair! Why do I have to share a room with someone? I didn't ask for this. Mabel gets to have privacy, too. This is not cool._

Just as Dipper made it to the top step of the stairs, he heard Mabel call from downstairs "and don't do anything crazy!"

Dipper felt his face flush with anger and embarrassment. Mabel never knew when to quit! And what if Bill heard her? He would get the wrong idea.

Muttering curses under his breath, Dipper walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

As he brushed, his mind went everywhere. _What if he's still mad? If so I should just not talk to him. But that's so awkward… I hope he's asleep. This is so complicated… Why did he need to come back just when I began to feel better? Is Mabel not freaked out by this? And I can't keep denying the way I've been feeling towards him..._

It was just then that Dipper realized he had been brushing his teeth for nearly five minutes.

 _This is stupid. I'm a grown man, I can handle_ walking into a room. _I'll just go in there and do whatever seems right_.

With that thought, Dipper walked into his now shared room, and looked over to Mabel's- or rather, Bill's bed.

Dipper was relieved to find that Bill was fast asleep, curled up in the corner of the bed against the wall, the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed the only noise in the room. It wasn't bad, actually. Dipper found the quiet environment quite peaceful.

 _A perfect time to work on my blog._

Dipper walked over to his desk and laptop now where the old bed next to the window used to be. Dipper figured they didn't need it anymore and moved his work area over there.

Dipper opened up his laptop and pulled up his blog,which he named _The Little Dipper._ Yes, the name was admittedly cheesy, but he started writing it when he was only 13, after all.

 _Entry 146_

Dipper began to write about the current events of his life, about the move to the mystery shack and what he was doing over the last few days, and about Bill.

Most of what Dipper wrote was about his life, so most of the audience found his blog to be a work of fiction, but that was okay with Dipper. In fact, it was probably better they thought it was fake because if Dipper insisted it was true, they might think he was insane.

The blog had actually begun to pick up attention over the internet, it now had over 20,000 followers. Dipper was actually a bit surprised, he never thought anything he did would pick up any kind of publicity. But that was more of a perk of the blog.

The real reason of the blog wasn't to show the world his writing skills, it was to keep his mind focused on what was going on in his life and to let the world know he existed.

Dipper hadn't realized it before he began the blog, but he really loved writing. Sometimes he would get lost in the story and the words and the universe it created. Sometimes he would stay up until the sun came up writing. Sure, he was tired for the next few days, but it was definitely worth it.

Dipper was actually thinking about going to University to study writing, but when Stan retired, he knew that he would end up going back to Oregon. It just seemed inevitable. He wasn't upset or anything, though, because writing could still become his past time.

Dipper became lost in thought and lost in his writing, becoming immersed into the universe he had created, with the click of his keyboard and the quiet breathing of Bill keeping him company.

 _Should I add Bill to this week's entry? Everyone thinks of this as a story… it will probably be interesting for them. I will._

Dipper then began to write about Bill, how he had come back, about his strange requests, improvising his wording here and there, perfecting his-

"What's that, Pine Tree?"

Dipper jumped in his seat, startled at Bill's comment.

 _He called me that stupid name again… whatever, I don't want to make him mad again._

Dipper chose to ignore Bill's comment and responded to the now-human dream demon's question.

"It's a, uh, blog. It's about my life and stuff."

"Wow! That's actually pretty cool. How old is it?"

"About 6 years. I started it right after… well, you know." Dipper wasn't sure to call it. The Apocalypse? When Bill died? When he went back home? He wasn't sure what to say.

"I see."

There was a silence between the two of them, but it wasn't anything too awkward. It was comforting, really. The kind of silence that doesn't want to be broken.

Bill obviously didn't realize this, though, and asked another question. "Why did you start writing a blog, Dipper?"

Dipper looked away and sighed. This was a story he didn't tell many people. One that made him remember all the bad times of 6 years ago rather than all the good times.

Dipper decided it was alright to tell Bill since they were going to be living together, and since it was mostly Bill's fault anyway.

"Well, you see.. after all that happened 6 years ago, I went home and I wasn't quite normal anymore. I got bored of daily life, and I talked about things that were crazy. I had nightmares for months, and they woke me up every night. Eventually, my parents got me a therapist. She told me it would be best to write how I felt down somewhere, and I did. I showed it to her, and she thought it was good enough that I could put it somewhere online if I wanted to. I was scared at first, that it would seem to crazy, but people thought it was a work of fiction and they still do. It's a blog about my life, my experiences, and how I feel. It's all that keeps me sane anymore."

Dipper sighed again and shut his laptop, deciding his spark of inspiration was over and he would finish the entry tomorrow.

That was the thing about blogs. You put it off for a day, you have to write about that day and whatever you didn't finish. Sometimes it was exhausting.

"Oh. Sorry, Pine Tree. I didn't know that what I did changed you so much…" Bill trailed off, seeming lost in thought.

"It's fine, Bill. I got over it years ago. I left my therapist after a year and I'm writing this for fun now. Anyway, it's getting pretty late. I'm going to bed. I recommend you do too, but if you don't, just please be quiet." With that, Dipper turned off the light and went to sleep.

XxXxXxXx

-Bill's POV

"Wake up, Bill. You have work to do."

Bill woke up the next morning to Dipper standing over his bed, dressed and ready to go.

Dipper was wearing jeans and a plaid shirt, rolled up to his elbows. On his forearms, Bill noticed some interesting tattoos. Strangely enough, he found them quite nice to look at.

"Bill, what are you starting at? Get up, already. You're going to be late." He then walked out of the room, leaving Bill alone with his thoughts.

 _Yeah… work. Sounds stupid. I should just skip it._

Bill was fully prepared to skip work and go explore the town, and started down the stairs. Although, in the back of his mind, Bill knew doing that would break the trust of the Pines siblings.

 _This is so weird… why do I want to befriend these two kids? And Dipper, I feel so strange around him… like it's exciting. Like I don't want him to leave._

Bill had no idea what that meant, though. He figured it was a side effect of becoming human. And he needed a house to stay in, so he decided not to skip work. Although he could fake still being weak to get out of it…

Bill walked down the stairs to see Mabel and Dipper eating waffles at the kitchen table.

 _So that's how you eat..._

"Heya, Bill! Excited for an amazing day of working at the Mystery Shack?" Mabel swung her arm passionately, and it made Bill less and less enthused about his first full day as a human.

"Yeah, sure I guess."

Bill walked over to the stack of waffles and put a few on a plate. He wasn't sure what the pain in his stomach was, but if he ate something it might make it better.

Bill sat down at the table and stuffed nearly half of the waffle into his mouth and swallowed, but instantly started choking.

 _What the hell is this? Is this what death feels like? Am I going to die? I thought that was how you eat! My vision is going it's going it's going help help help he-_

Bill spit out the food that was lodged into his throat and took in huge gulps of air, scared he might run out again.

"Be more careful next time, Bill."

Bill looked up to see Dipper, arms crossed and a concerned look on his face. "You have to chew your food before you swallow it. And don't take such huge bites, you'll choke again."

"Bill! Don't scare me like that," Mabel practically cried, her face contorted into one of concern. "You almost DIED!"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. Just thank my brilliant new body for saving my life!"

Dipper scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Bill. You owe me. Anyway, now that that's taken care of, we have a lot to do today. The shack opens in an hour, and we have stuff to do. Bill, you'll be working the counter. Mabel, you can help him out. I'll be giving tours of Gravity Falls every few hours or so. Mabel, go take Bill to the front room and teach him how to do his job. I need to go get ready." With that, Dipper walked out of the room and out the front door.

"Bill! This is great! We get to hang out all day together! Come on, I'll teach you how to sell stuff in the shop."

Mabel grabbed Bill by the hand and took him into the front room. She pointed to what things were and what they did. She showed him the paper of the merchandise and how much everything cost. She explained currency, and then started to explain common courtesy, but before she could, a customer walked in.

"Shit, it's already been an hour?" Mabel whispered. "Listen, Bill, just be nice and don't offend them. I'll be right here the whole time, okay?"

 _Wow, thanks for throwing me under the bus, Star. This should be fun._

The man wandered around the store for a bit, and grabbed a T-shirt. It said "Gravity Falls, Oregon. The funnest place on Earth!"

 _That's a bit cheesy… why does he even want that?_

The man walked up to the counter. He had glasses, black, receding hair, and wore socks and sandals.

 _Not a great people person, either, I see._

"I'd like to buy this please," the man said, throwing the T shirt on the counter, waiting for his total.

"...You actually want to buy this? Wow, and I thought _I_ had bad taste. Well, if you say so. That'll be 25 dollars, please."

Bill sat there, waiting for the money, but the man did something else instead.

"You're an asshole, _Bill,"_ the man said before throwing the shirt at the stunned cashier.

"Why did he do that? And how did he know my name? Is he psychic, Star? I didn't know humans had developed that kind of power!"

"You're nametag, Bill. And you know what? He's right, you are an asshole. When a customer wants something…"

Mabel began to lecture Bill on the curtseys of humans, and Bill wanted to just go up to his room and sleep. He knew _nothing,_ apparently.

It was going to be a _long_ day.

 **A/N: Yay! So some stuff. Don't worry, ships are on their way. I just need to build up a plot some ya know? so yeppppppp sorry for the wait haha that happens becuase being lazy is a thing. anyway let me know what you think!**


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